Weird things happen to me
I realize that I sort of jumped out of the gate with a lot of stuff to read and have fallen off in the last few days. This is for several reasons. I was in NYC earlier this week for a few interviews, and went straight from there to 1% camp, which is (this time) in Austin Texas (I’m sort of drinking alone writing this in my room). So I’ve had a packed week and haven’t had any time to do much of anything, I haven’t exactly forgotten this.
The other problem is more structural, and it is that I have no job, and am trying to get one. There are very few things that I can allow myself now that do not involve job hunting. It’s obnoxious, that I rarely allow myself to do things that are fun purely from feeling guilty about that problem. I still allow myself to drink (how else can I take the edge off of being alive), but besides that the only fun activity that I allow myself is playing soccer a few times a week, because the second I step out on that field I become incapable of considering anything besides the ball and the other team and how to put that ball in the net, and I like that every once in a while I can stop thinking.
In a similar vein of thought, My grandfather died 6 years ago today. I didn’t tell a fucking soul at the time, because grief is something that I consider intensely personal and do not like to share. He was an eminently good and decent man, and one thing he said has stuck with me. This is not a direct quote but it is fairly close, “if all you ever do is dig holes, dig the best hole in the world.” – Not only is this eerily apt, considering I got paid to dig holes in my aunt’s backyard a couple weeks ago, but it’s honest words from a man who spent his life fighting in WW2 and then driving a truck for a Salem cement company. What you do may never amount to more than a hill of beans, but it’ll be your fucking hill and your fucking beans. Make it count.
I assure you, old man, I will do more than dig holes. But if I do not, I defy you to find a better hole than mine.
On another note, I”ll be writing more soon. I have in the wings a jeremiad against Francis Meyo’s life, a recounting of 1% camp round 2 (round 1 is very much under lock and key) and a few other interesting things. Weird things happen to me.